I’m pretty sure the happenings this week only happen to us, so I have titled this blog “Only the Doyle’s.” I’m going to back up 3 weeks ago. The big vans brakes began to squeak just ever so slightly so I told Scott.  In typical Scott fashion, not overly worried about such a minor thing he responds with a “yea,   we need to fix those.” One week goes by and the squeak is getting louder and louder so I remind him again, “my breaks are squeaking.” Again in typical Scott fashion he hears my complaint but doesn’t listen to my complaint and gets in no hurry to have them changed. Two weeks have now passed since initial “Squeaking” began and we happen to be on Mason road when I remind him yet again that I sound like nails on a chalk board each time I apply my breaks.  Now most of you have seen the Big Bertha (code name for Big White Utility Van) neither me nor the “cool” teenagers riding in that thing each day want anymore attention drawn to it that necessary. So we stop in at O’Reilly auto parts to purchase brake pads at which time my financial consultant husband proceeds to tell me HE will and can change the brake pads himself and I will be all good. GREAT, pads purchased squeaky noise on it’s way out the door… Oh not so soon,  Scott the mechanic is way to busy each subsequent day to change them and now I am grinding my way to a stop and the kids are on the floor board embarrassed that people are staring at us as a I smile and truck along explaining to them,  dad is sooooo busy and who cares what others think, we are so grateful to have a vehicle, you know the kids in Africa walk everywhere they need to go and we are so blessed to even be able to drive to McDonalds that who cares if the cashier has to remove his head set due to the ear piercing noise? Another week goes by and it dawns on me that maybe Scott is thinking if you buy the pads, place them strategically in between the seats on the floor of the van they will eventually figure out their purpose and take their rightful place, on my brakes!!!!   The sound is now very similar to the that of an airplane landing and it isn’t isolated to just me stopping this thing is even grinding when I’m not applying the brakes. Christian says to me, Mom, when all the workers in town who drive matching vans to yours start staring at you, you know your car is jacked up!” I gently remind Scott AGAIN! I also remind him that he is leaving this week for work out of town and I need to be able to actually stop the van once I get it going… And now the rest of the story:
9 PM Wednesday night, 3 weeks after squeaky noise appears, Scott aka mechanic makes an attempt to change brake pads.  Mom, aka doer of everything that makes sense, feeds kids, bathes kids, begs kids to finish homework, and convinces kids that staying up all night is NOT a good idea.
10 PM Mechanic Scott is working diligently on brakes with 4 helpers, yes 4 helpers, 2 of which need to be in bed but are holding flashlights for him to be able to see brakes in the dark. It only makes sense that one would wait until night to do this, right ?
11 PM brakes complete, and Scott decides to take van for test drive with new brakes.
11:05 PM Scott returns only to announce to those of us still awake the he changed the brake pads in the front, not the ones in the back that were actually squeaking!!!! Mom, Me, Wife, Mother, Doer of all things that make sense, driver of the van in question proceeds to ask the logical question here, “you changed the wrong brake pads? Did it not occur to you to ask the driver of the van where the squeaking was coming from?”   Mechanic Scott then proceeds to ask the 19 year old helper to Google bleeding the brake line…. Now you are possibly beginning to laugh at this and I want to make sure you have a clear visual of this event.  I am sitting in my chair rocking the baby, did I mention my head is spinning at this point somewhat similar to that of the exorcist ? Christian is “Googling” how to bleed a line, and Scott is standing in kitchen sweating profusely from the realization that he has no clue how to fix my car and he has to leave the house for his flight in 5 hours.  He then proceeds to inform me that the breaks work you just have to press them all the way to the floor because there is no pressure in them… Sounds like a problem to me!! Before my head, that is spinning comes flying completely off my body,  I decide it is best to call it a night and hope it’s all a bad dream in the morning.  Boy was I WRONG the worst was yet to come.
5 AM Mechanic Scott, In trouble Scott, Leaving for Vegas Scott wakes me to tell me that he has called a friend of ours that lives around the corner and he has agreed to let us borrow his extra vehicle which happens to be a mini van.  I gently remind him of how many people I have to tow around for the next 3 days because apparently he has lost count and we won’t fit in this mini van.  I then proceed to ask how we are going to actually get the mini van since he is leaving and it’s just me and Christian and a broke down big van.   I am then told that Christian is going to run over there and pick it up.  Did I mention I have an appointment at 8 AM and he is telling me that the 19 year old who sleeps until noon is going to get out of bed at 7 AM and run to our friends house to pick up the van… When I say run, he was meaning physically, literally, on good ole Pete and Joe run to our friends house several streets over to borrow the van.  I was in utter shock at this moment at his idea but had no choice in the matter .  I also needed a crash course at 5 am on how to install the base of the babies cars seat, so outside we go… Still dark by the way.  Scott leaves assuring me he will have a legit mechanic to the house asap to correct his mistakes.
7 AM roles around and lucky for Christian when I told our friend he was literally about to “run” over there he offers to come pick him up.  So all is good right? Well not so fast my friend, Scott showed me how to install the car seat with these hook straps, the mini van doesn’t have them so I am doing it the traditional way with the seat belt which takes more than two hands.  Please take a moment to visualize, I have a foot on the seat long strap of the seat belt holding it taut,   each hand is holding a side to the seat belt and the my left knee is in the base to hold it down. I am now sweating my behind off and my hair is frizzing by the second.  I finally get the base strapped in, run and grab the stroller out of Big van and open the back of mini van only to realize my buddy has “pimped” this ride to the max. There is a base (the radio kind)  in the back so no matter how hard I tried the stroller will NOT fit, I bring it around to the passenger side only to realize that if I just sit the stroller in the seat it will probably fall forward and shatter the tv in the head rest (there are 4 of these.)  I figure out how to hang the stroller off the seat to protect it from flying and I finally load the baby, but his seat isn’t clicking into place??? I have to move the driver seat up so it will sit properly in it’s base.  I  am finally in the driver seat,  my knees are hitting the dash board and I look like one of those little old ladies that has their chest securely against the steering wheel.  As I drive to my first destination all I can think about is how I want to ring my mechanics neck!!! Did it end there, of course not  We found a mechanic to bring the van to, they say they can have it ready in 1 hour.  Needless to say I brought it at 4:30,  driving it 20 miles an hour down Cinco Ranch Blvd. cars passing and cursing me.
6 PM they call to inform me that the $250 dollars I thought I was about to spend has now increased to $850 dollars. I refused to let them do anything without a second opinion from my personal mechanic.  He informs me that what they are saying is going to cost all that money is “NO BIG DEAL, and HE can fix that” OH GOOD LORD, not again.  I refuse the service and 4 hours later big Bertha was ready to come home.   As I drive away I think, “wow the silence is bliss” but don’t get too excited for me, that was short lived. Not only are they squeaking they are also smelling so we are now overstimulating 2 of our senses everytime we ride in Big Bertha, but never fear the mechanic flies home today and I am certain he will have a solution!!! LOL  Lastly,  if you hear me squeaking to a stop just pretend you don’t  just as I pretend I’m driving my old Mercedes!!! Only the Doyle’s!!!

NO…

I said a few weeks ago that I was going to share “Engine Light” moments as I experience them with my kids.  I wondered when the next Ah ha moment would come for me and just when I thought I was doing a good job, there it was, shining bright in my face.  Let me explain… As most of you know I am experiencing Jr. High for the first time with a daughter.  This is uncharted territory for me and drastically different from Jr. High with boys! Did I emphasize drastically? Our first born girl can be so emotional, so unsure, so critical of herself, such a pleaser and a rule follower. She is a perfectionist and has a heart so full of love for everyone.  If she disappoints you or upsets you, it just breaks her heart. She is funny and spontaneous, laughs at herself often and loves more than anything her friends and family. She can write with such description, just like as if she were standing there telling you a story, and when she tells you a story you better sit and stay a while because she will include every detail there is. On the other hand she would prefer to never multiply another set of numbers in her life.  She has never really been one to get upset if she and her friends didn’t agree, she often would blow it off and wait until the dust settled.  I have often marveled at how unaffected she was by “girl drama.”  I should have known that would change as she matured and as her and her friends hit puberty and their emotions took control of their minds.  Jr. High started and she was friends with several different groups of girls, something I encouraged fully.  The speech I would give is, be nice to everyone, don’t talk about anyone, if there are people who aren’t nice, be friendly to them but you don’t have to be their best friend. As this year has progressed, she has experienced changes in friends.  Girls she thought were her “real” friends have changed their minds and are spending more time with others.  People she thought would welcome her at the lunch table have had days when they just didn’t have enough room. There have been days when “friends” wouldn’t allow her to sit on the bus with them.  Is she devastated, no, she is strong beyond belief! I would have crumbled at that age.  She moves on and spends time with other girls that are nicer.  BUT, she does come home and tell me all about every incident that happens. I try to listen but I am finding myself reacting more.  I begin to give advice and tell her what to say and how to handle it only to realize that she isn’t mature enough to speak those words and these girls aren’t mature enough to change the way they are behaving. We have all been there! Here is where my engine light blinded me yesterday. As she shared with me more of what had happened with this group of girls, I immediately began to react. It is only natural for me especially when I feel she is being hurt and when my heart hurts for her.  Once again I am advising and just so unbelievably frustrated with the whole situation.  I don’t understand why she cares, I can’t imagine that the same little girls who begged for a ride from me the week before are being so cruel and I don’t understand why she can’t just ignore all of it…I suddenly realize, she isn’t me. She truly hates the thought of someone being mad at her, she especially hates the thought of me being mad at her and my reacting is looking just like that mad at HER.  I stopped listening, which is honestly all she needed. She needed to vent, she didn’t need a lecture she didn’t need my opinion, or my ridiculous reaction.  The words that slapped me right in the face where these….”if something bad happens mom, I’m not going to tell you anymore because you are just going to get mad!” OUCH, something bad happening to my beautiful daughter? Not telling me about it, because you don’t want my reaction? Double OUCH!!! Then it hit me, my Engine Light was flashing red and warning me with the words of an 11 year old girl, I need to Listen not React… She will be faced with so many more dramatic days, plenty of people who like her and dislike her, friends and eventually boys who will break her heart and the last thing I want to happen is for her to not trust coming to me.  So with that said, and with knowing how quickly I want to advise her, I need to support her, love her, pray for her and most importantly LISTEN to her.  Oddly enough she will probably work through it herself and that process will be even better knowing I am supporting her, and here for her at all times no matter what.  Is it hard, YES!! I would like to take any and all drama out of her life and all of my kids lives but unfortunately it’s a part of life and a part of growing, maturing and becoming the person God intends them to be. She is blessed with such a variety of friends and that’s the ones we need to stay focused on! As my dad used to tell me all of the time, “this too shall pass.” So this afternoon when she comes in I will have the duct tape ready to go and I will use it on myself if I begin to revert back to reactor and not listener.  Do you do the same thing ? If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them! Leave a comment if you have any advice, I am ALWAYS open!

There are days that I am certain I can conquer the world and others that I am certain the world is going to swallow me up while laughing a creepy little horror movie laugh with a baby crying in the background for added effect. O.K. so that was a bit extreme, but maybe it’s the cool air with Halloween drawing near that has me thinking so “Spooky.”  At the beginning of the school year when the extracurricular schedules kicked in full throttle we realized that Tuesdays were the only days all week, including Sundays that we had NO practices, NO dance, NO appointments, NOTHING!!! Scott and I decided that due to our complete lack of time every other day of the week we needed to savor our Tuesdays and really try to use these as family down time.  I decided that on Tuesdays I would cook a big meal, we would eat as a family and just relax for one night during the week.   All has gone pretty smoothly until about 2PM today…. All I wanted was roux, the weekly menu said Gumbo, the cool air says gumbo so Gumbo it is.  We had just left the doctor where Hamilton received his first round of shots then lunch with Grandparents.  All I had to do was run in grab the ingredients, head home and get dinner on the stove.  But no, why would I have thought buying ingredients for gumbo would be so easy?? OH I don’t know maybe because this is Katy and 75% of the people here are from some part of Louisiana why in the world would the local Wal-Mart decide that roux should be pulled from the shelves????  Yes, you read that right… No roux. If you have no clue what this is, it is the base for the entire gumbo, without it you don’t have gumbo.  No worries, it’s Tuesday, and today is do nothing day so Scott can grab it on his way home.  Back at home, still stewing over the fact that I made a trip to Wal-Mart only to leave there still $50 poorer and without what I need, Hamilton starts to fuss.  One of the kids starts talking about how they had a bad day at school with friends, Harrison comes to me not feeling well, John Scott calls and says the coach wants him to stay for the 8th grade games and Scott calls with an unexpected evening appointment.  Did I mention it was “Parents Time to Learn” at the elementary school???? Immediately the world began to swallow me, I felt completely useless and I couldn’t seem to get it all together, to make it all happen.  My frustration level elevated and quickly I wanted to reenter Jr High and tell all those mean girls what they can do with themselves, I wanted the Motrin to take the pain away from both of my babies that weren’t feeling well, I wanted to call the 8th grade coach and ask him why he chose my son TONIGHT, and I wanted to call Scott’s clients and tell them that I was pretty sure they could have picked another night to steal my husband!!! Yep, Losing it!!! I grabbed my fussing 8 week old held him close, closed my eyes and took about a 30 minute cat nap…After waking, I called a great friend, told her I just didn’t think I could make it to the Parent thing tonight and asked for another idea for dinner.  Immediately I realized I can’t do it all, and I needed to tame my coo coo crazy expectations of myself.  I happened to have all of the ingredients for the same dinner my friend was cooking so dinner was done, The Motrin had both baby boys more settled, and I emailed the teachers and told them I couldn’t be there to please let me know if there is something I needed to know.  Frustrated to Tamed = MUCH happier Momma !!! What’s my point you might ask besides venting? Sometimes when the world is starting to swallow you up, and your responsibilities seem too much, find something to help diffuse you.  A nap, a call to a friend, a walk, anything that will help you re prioritize your responsibilities and expectations of yourself.
The evening worked out just fine,  we still had our down time and we held true to our Tame Tuesdays!!!  

Six years ago today our lives changed drastically and the roller coaster ride hasn’t ended.  Let me back up so you can understand the full story.  On August 28, 2005 Hurricane Katrina hit the New Orleans area wreaking havoc on the city and state.  People lost everything, lives were lost buildings destroyed and a country left in shock at the utter magnitude and devastation left in the wake of this natural disaster.  Scott’s main office at the time was located in Metairie, which is outside of New Orleans.  The damage to that building was expansive and the office was shut down with the rest of the city. This resulted in his business being put on hold immediately.  The news media talked only of what was happening in New Orleans, you couldn’t turn on the T.V. that there wasn’t more lives lost and more devastation.  The sadness that surrounded the city during this time is unexplainable.  There wasn’t anyone NOT affected.
It was less than 4 weeks later when the weather reporters began tracking a Hurricane called Rita.  We watched in awe at the possibility that this hurricane was also headed for the gulf coast.  With the hurricanes predicted land fall growing closer, the news reported this would be a direct hit on Houston.  As people in Houston began to panic and prepare to evacuate I remember Scott and I being glued to the T.V. and pondering the thought of “What if it turns more east?” That would result in a direct hit on Lake Charles.  You see we lived in an area that is 30 minutes from the Texas/Louisiana Border so the hurricane turning east places us dead center or possibly to the left of the eye which in hurricane terms is NOT good at all.  Rita was registering bigger and stronger than Katrina, and we were all very aware of the horrible damage that had occurred just weeks before.  Our little city began to prepare for the just in case moment that this hurricane would in fact turn.  On Tuesday August 21, in leu of the fact that this hurricane had reached a category 5 hurricane,  Scott decided to board our windows up on our house. We lived backed up to a small body of water and the reports of a storm surge where leading us to prepare as best as we can.  The entire back to our home was large windows so we felt we could save our home from severe damage by having the windows covered.  I began to pack everything, and I mean everything that was important to us because based on what had happened in New Orleans and the reports that this hurricane was larger, we prepared ourselves to leave with everything we couldn’t live without.  Baby clothes, baby books, jewelry, personal documents, photos, yearbooks, video tapes, special trophies the list was endless.   The weather man was on the news every hour updating us on the location of the hurricane but still it was headed for the Houston area.  Until August 23 at approximately 4 AM. Scott had a bad feeling about this hurricane all week, and was actually laughed at when he began to board the house so early.  I remember it like it was yesterday, we were asleep but Scott had insisted on us leaving the T.V. on throughout the night. The weather man came on and said “Wake up Lake Charles, Hurricane Rita has turned east and we will endure direct hit!” We sat straight up in the bed, grabbed the phone and called each of our family members letting them know we had to get out.  Staying and “riding it out” was not an option! The mayor, the sheriff, and everyone in the city warned that this was beyond anything they had seen and we needed to evacuate immediately! There had not been a direct hit hurricane on Lake Charles since Hurricane Audrey in 1957.  We began loading the kids, at this time the kids were 12,6,5,3 and 1,  and all of the items I had packed. . We loaded both of our cars with everything we needed, moved our furniture from the bottom floor to the top floor in an attempt to save it in the event the house flooded which seemed promising due to the expected storm surge size and the location of our home.  I remember walking away from the house thinking, if we came back to nothing, we have everything important to us. It was a flippant thought, but not one I truly believed would really be an option.
August 23, around noon, 2 cars loaded, 5 kids and 2 boxers we headed east to evacuate.  We couldn’t take our normal western path because Houston was still evacuating due to the uncertainty of this hurricanes path, going north didn’t make sense, the strength of this storm would be weakened some once it hit land fall but the direction it would travel as a severe storm would be north.  East was the only option. So Mississippi, here we come! Well, so did everyone other person in Lake Charles and the surrounding areas.  A drive that would normally take 4 hours ultimately took us over 14 hours! We stopped several times as you can imagine with small kids everyone had to pee including the animals every few hours.  We had one kid start throwing up, this was the first time we realized she had car sickness. So at every stop Scott and I would switch kids to change things up a bit and chat about what the plan was once we arrived in Jackson.  My parents and sister were behind us in their motor homes so we all came to the conclusion that between the two motor homes we could bunk with them because there were no hotel rooms available anywhere due to the displaced New Orleans residents and now the evacuating Lake Charles residents.  It was almost as if half of Louisiana traveled west to get away from one hurricane, the other half of us traveled east to get away from another and we all ended up somewhere in the middle around Mississippi.  Though this plan seemed brilliant what we didn’t think about was that my parents left a little later than us and traveling in a 43 foot bus takes longer than traveling in a car. After the 14 plus hours in the car we arrived safely in Mississippi at a Wal-Mart parking lot, it was sometime in the middle of the night at this point but we had honestly lost all track of time.  We had been up on and off for several days at this point planning, watching the news and driving to our safe destination.  The kids were asleep, so quietly and cluelessly to the dark cloud that loomed over what our reality really was.  My parents were about 2 hours behind us so Scott and I sat outside of the cars on a curb in the Wal-Mart parking lot with the dogs,  talking and doing everything we could to stay awake so the kids could sleep and we could wait on a place to finally lay our heads.
Shelter finally arrived in the form of this bus, that might I add is my parents retirement plan so not necessarily built for a family of 7 plus grandparents, and let’s not forget the 3 dogs (my mom has 1). So in case you didn’t add that up that’s, 4 adults, 5 kids, 3 dogs in a motor home. I sigh at remembering how crazy it all was.  We unloaded the kids, and finally laid down to rest for what was left of Thursday night/Friday morning.  The next 24-36 hours were a blur! We moved to a camp ground in hopes that the kids would be able to get out and run and play as well as the dogs.  To our great despair no sooner did we find a camp ground with room and get parked, the rain started and didn’t let up for the remainder of the time we were there.  So no running, no escaping, no walking the dogs! Did I mention this motor home was only a few months old? The plastic was still on the carpet, and I am staying in it with 5 kids, 2 toddlers, and 2 boxers that have to be let out to pee ? SIGH again.  As we sat watching T.V. and listening to every broadcast we could find in reference to the hurricane we continued to hear an alarm outside.  We had no clue what it meant until Scott called a friend who lived in the Jackson area, after telling his friend we were in Rankin County we were swiftly instructed to GET OUT of there.  Apparently this is tornado alley which explains why the camp ground was empty.  The alarm we were hearing was spotting of tornados in the area.  Now I don’t know about you, but there is no way I am going to be a sitting duck in a motor home while tornados are all around me.  Time to pack up, put everything away and move this thing to safer ground.  Off we go again!!! This new campground was apparently much safer due to the location but we lost all cable, so no T.V. for entertainment or updates on what was happening in our city.  Scott spent the rest of this night holding a radio out one of the windows to hear what the weather updates were.  We knew the hurricane hit, we knew the damage was extensive but had no idea what condition our home was in.  Saturday morning we immediately started making calls to a few neighbors who had chosen to ride it out as well as Scott’s brother who is in law enforcement and had to stay.  All of their reports were that it looked as though our house was fine, trees were down with several “leaning” on the house but from what they could see but it looked ok.  The only access to our neighborhood following the storm was via ATV.  The amount of trees covering the roads prohibited anyone from entering or leaving the area.  As you can imagine we were anxious to get back home as soon as possible but we were not going home anytime soon, little did we know that six years later we would still not be home…..

I have shared our story of the hurricane with many people but never took the time to write about it. With that being said it will take several blogs for me to share all of it.   I want to be sure and capture it as real as it was with as much detail as possible, because whether it is a hurricane or some other major event in your life there are parts of this story I think we can all relate to.  The funny things, crazy things, the things that make you ponder “is this even possible?” The heart wrenching moments when you realize your life and the lives of the ones you love will forever be changed, and finally the times when you wonder where God is in all of it, only for Him to “show” up in the nick of time.  More to come…

From my previous post I shared about thinking before you speak I decided to paint a canvas that would coordinate with my house.  I wanted to be able to display it where everyone can see it each day as a reminder to THINK… If you would like one for your home, let me know. The canvas is 16×20 and can be customized to whatever colors you like. This would also be great in a girls bedroom! Enjoy….

I love, love this time of year. So many reasons to decorate the house and I love the reaction of the kids when they come in from school and realize the house has been overtaken by pumpkins, and fall leaves adorned with spider webs and candy corn. This year I have decorated a little early, probably because of my undying need to be crafty and creative in some way to keep my sanity!! It’s not a safe thing for me to be home too long, I will redecorate, or redesign everything within my sight. I have added some pictures of what I have done so far spending very little money and having tons of fun. All of the paintings are canvases or wood that I have painted and sell through Canvas Divine.

 Dining Room Table: Candles and candy corn filling make for and easy addition to your table scape, Candle holder is from Southern Living Home and works perfectly to hold leaf garland in place.

 8×10 Painted Canvases from Canvas Divine

 Front door wreath: Grapevine wreath on sale $3.00, ribbon 50% off with floral pics and hanging sign all 40% off at Hobby Lobby!!! Love that place…

 I used old books, a trick or treat sign, ceramic pumpkins, halloween spooky tree, southern living lantern, my 16×20 haunted house painting, a tombstone I painted and topped it all off with spider webs and black candles to “creep” out our mantle.

Today Hamilton and I played a super fun game called, “I’m going to puke on you the most!”  As you see from the headline Hamilton is WAY ahead in this game which gives me great hope for his ability in the future. Oddly enough throughout this day of spit up,  I pondered the fact of how many times we “spit up” or get “spit up” on? Of course not in the same dynamic as my experience today but with our words, or the way we express our words.   If you know me at all you know I have no problem talking, and often times sharing more than necessary.  When you talk a lot, you “spit up” a lot, so I would consider myself pretty knowledgeable in this area. 🙂  My dad used to always tell us, it’s not what you say it’s HOW you say it.  Or we have all heard the saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  I am super guilty of this especially when talking to my kids or husband, something that was never intended to be hurtful came out snappy or harsh normally because I am tired, busy, or frustrated by a previous situation.
Growing up my sister and I were in pageants and the interview process was one that I felt comfortable in because I knew if I turned on my southern charm I could win them over but if I let my mouth lead before my brain then I could turn them off.  Which leads me to the my Daddy’s all time favorite saying “Think before you speak!” Now to teach my kids that, that is the real test.  Consistently managing all the different personalities in our home and the various reactions they each have to situations can be exhausting.  We have the 18 year old that is quite frankly the smartest person in the house these days, haha, the strong willed, the perfectionist with a huge heart, the free spirit with a tender heart and the sensitive comedian.  Each one needs a different parenting style, each one has to be talked to in a different tone and manner, and each one has a different dynamic they face each day with outside friends and their words.  I am in an interview every day starting at 3 PM when the first group begins to walk through our door.  As they explain their day, my reaction, my words and me keeping my mouth shut and listening to them all influence how they react to their day and the circumstances around it.  If my daughter walks in and says school was horrible because someone didn’t like her hair, my initial reaction is one of anger at the kid who picked on her,  my THINK reaction is one of compassion for the kid who felt it necessary to insult her friend.  I can make or break how my daughter is affected by that interaction.  If my son gets off the bus and the kid next to him picked on him about his clothes, sure I could call the school and demand he not sit next to that kid anymore but the reality is our kids have to learn to cope with negative people.   If we don’t begin to teach them at a young age how to cope, then when they are “spit on” they will crumble and I believe it is of the upmost importance to make sure our kids know how valuable they are no matter what someone says or does.  It is also important for them to know they can’t and won’t ever be able to control what comes our of anyones mouth but their own. So in our home Hamilton is winning the “spit up” game and I am reminded that we need to remember to THINK before we speak!
After beginning to write this blog I talked with a dear friend who was explaining pinterest to me.  During the course of our conversation she told me of a saying she thought I should paint.  Now I haven’t had time to do that but I will so I can hang it in our house to help us all remember to THINK!  Click on this link to see how perfect this is. I will share my version as soon as it’s complete.

The first blog under the “Is Your Engine Light On” headline.
How many times have you heard those two words, BUT MOM? If I were paid a dollar for every time one of my kids said that to me. But Mom, is the response I hear each time I say no to anything my kids are wanting to do.
“Can I spend the night, can someone come over?”
 “I want a new pair of shoes, everyone has them!”
“All of my friends are going”
“My homework can wait until tomorrow”
“All of my friends can watch PG-13 and R movies”
The list can go on an on… BUT one of the biggies we have experienced in our home is the access to more and more technology.  The internet has such amazing opportunities for all of us and at the same time is one of the scariest tools you can unleash your kids with.  One of our boys loves to play a specific game on the internet and though Scott and I have each had an opportunity to watch this game in play neither of us initially saw a problem with it.  His “love” for this game continued to increase, so much so we began having a hard time pulling him away.  We also began to notice he would rather play the game then go outside, go out to dinner with the family, run errands, do his homework etc.  This all eventually led to us removing him from having free access to the computer.  Now you may be thinking, “I would have done that immediately! BUT the contradiction we face is this… Most of his school work has to be done via computer.  All of his teachers post their assignments on the web,  assignments have to be researched on the web, turned in on the web the list is endless.  So our great parenting plan for the punishment of the computer was quickly overturned when education took priority over parenting.  We did put the computer on lock down and chose to only log him in when homework was the focus.  Kids these days are so advanced on technology unless you sit right next to them while they are on the computer, even the strictest of settings can be bypassed by a kid who is computer savvy. After a few weeks there was no further discussion of wanting to play the game and all was behind us.  Summer came, homework ended and we saw no reason for him to have this limited restriction to the game any longer. Again, slowly his behavior began to change a bit, he began to be isolated all of the time playing on the computer, angry when we would ask him to get off.  Playing outside diminished, wanting to leave at all was a huge issue. As Scott and I pondered everything that would be changing him so drastically and so negatively Scott decided to google negative aspects of this game and low and behold, reports of addiction, isolation, depression, anger had all been reported in kids playing this game!!! We were shocked that we truly thought we had researched and done everything we needed to do to ensure that what our kids played on the computer was safe, but there was a crucial amount of information we had not seen.  We had never thought to google Negative side affects to this game, but once we did the flood gates opened.  At the same time, Scott received an email from someone in Europe saying our son had agreed to buy his account on this game and we owed him money. This was the straw that broke the camels back as they say. We sat him down and explained that several of the side effects to this game were things we were seeing in him while he was playing it, and communicating with someone in Europe which subsequently led to giving out our email was very dangerous and the game had to stop.  The more Scott and I thought about it the more we realized that when we forced a break from the computer all that we were seeing that we didn’t like disappeared, then quickly returned when we allowed him full access to the computer. In hind sight our “light” was on several times but like I’ve said before, how often does your light come on and go off, how often do you “feel” that something is not right and then there is a break in your feeling and you think things are ok.  This is exactly what had happened to us with this game.  We felt we had done all we needed to do, had all the right settings on the computer to protect our kids from negative aspects of the web, only to realize we had missed the boat on this one.  Often times Scott and I have “after the fact” conversations about how we both had a feeling about something but didn’t act on it, or didn’t communicate it with each other.  Once all of this came to fruition the game was deleted and the link blocked. Our job didn’t end there.  There is internet access everywhere,  smart phones that allow you to access most sites on the web,  friends homes where computers are easily accessible, again the list is endless. We had to explain the facts to our son and had to get him on board with the realization that this game was not something he should be doing.  It is not easy convincing a young boy that we see all of these signs that he can’t even comprehend.  I would be lying if I said we told him to not play it anymore and he did, but we watched him closely encouraged him to find other things to play and he did gradually reduce his playing time until it no longer was something he desired to do.  Our “light” was on and we finally heeded the warning and took the necessary steps to ensure this game would no longer be part of our sons play. Is the light off for good? Absolutely not! We will continually have to oversee internet use with all of our kids and the research we do on websites and games will be forever more intensive, our discussions as a couple are also key to helping us know if there are warnings we should take seriously.  When we both have our “lights” on, we know immediately to take action. We have always said God has such an amazing way of showing us what he wants us to see when it comes to our children, the problem, we have to be listening!!! Below I have added some computer statistics I found regarding children and the internet.  Be vigilant friends, our kids are so far advanced with technology.  Educate yourself on EVERYTHING your kids are playing on the computer and google Negative aspects of things as well.

• One in five U.S. teenagers who regularly log on to the Internet say they have received an unwanted sexual solicitation via the Web. Solicitations were defined as requests to engage in sexual activities or sexual talk, or to give personal sexual information.
  – Crimes Against Children Research Center
• 25% of children have been exposed to unwanted pornographic material online.
  – Crimes Against Children Research Center
• Only 1/3 of households with Internet access are actively protecting their children with filtering or blocking software.
  – Center for Missing and Exploited Children
• 75% of children are willing to share personal information online about themselves and their family in exchange for goods and services.
  – eMarketer
• Only approximately 25% of children who encountered a sexual approach or solicitation told a parent or adult.
  – Crimes Against Children Research Center
• One in 33 youth received an aggressive sexual solicitation in the past year. This means a predator asked a young person to meet somewhere, called a young person on the phone, and/or sent the young person correspondence, money, or gifts through the U.S. Postal Service.
  – Your Internet Safety Survey
• 77% of the targets for online predators were age 14 or older.  Another 22% were users ages 10 to 13.
  – Crimes Against Children Research Center