Month: August 2018

In Part 1, which you can read here,  I shared about the mother of Moses, Jochebed.  She was forced to make a life changing decision to save her son from the orders of Pharaoh which stated that ALL baby boys must be killed at birth.  Jochebed attempted to hide him as long as she could, but when she could no longer keep him she made the difficult decision to release him. She built a basket for protection, and I am sure she prayed to God for security, peace in her decision.  She walked to the water and let him go. Those words, “Let him go,” hurt my heart.  As she watched and allowed him to float away, she made the boldest move of trust and set an example that still resonates today.

Last week we dropped our oldest daughter off to college, We “let her go,” and a piece of my heart was left in Arkansas. Yesterday I left another piece of my heart, John Scott, in Louisiana.  We are “letting him go.” As they move away we are letting go of so much more than just their physical presence in our day to day lives,  we are letting go of knowing their every move, letting go of control, letting go of them emotionally in so many ways.  Not that we aren’t still very present, but we are forced to disconnect in ways that sting a mommas heart.  We can’t rescue them from the bumps and bruises of life, we can’t catch them when they fall,  we are in a new role in their lives now and trust is at the forefront.

As parents we spend most of our kids lives attempting to be in control.  Guarding them when they take their first steps, walking them to their first day of school, cautiously allowing them to climb at the playground, and providing bikes with training wheels so they don’ t fall.  We want to protect them, shelter them and control their destiny because we are convinced that no one could love this child more than their mother loves them.  But we are mistaken, there is someone who loves them more…God, the creator of the Heavens and the Earth. The very one who knit them together in your womb, He loves them even more than we can imagine.  So why is it so hard to let go? To release them in the water, and watch them float? I believe it’s because this is the ultimate moment of trust. Trusting ourselves as parents, and trusting God in their lives.   This is the moment we question everything we have done for them over the last 18 years.  The “what ifs” take over and doubt sets in.  What if, I didn’t teach them all they need to know? What if, I regret the times I could have spent with them, but didn’t ? What if, they don’t know how much I love them? What if,  they don’t know how to cook a meal, wash their clothes, get up on time without repeated reminders?  What if they forget to not talk to strangers, though everyone is a stranger? The “what if’s” game will drive you crazy if you allow it and the doubt will sweep over you like a black cloud that wants to stick around.  Before you know it you will be wearing a banner and crown that says “Mom Failure” and trust in God’s plan for your children is a distant memory.

Jochebed watched as Moses’ little basket made its way down the Nile. That was his security, his physical protection.  How many of your kids had or still have a security pillow or blanket? My kids each had 2 blankets given to them by my mom at their birth.  I swaddled them in it when they were babies, covered them when they were toddlers, they carried them to restaurants and friends houses.  These blankets helped them feel close to home, close to me. The smell, the touch, the stains all serving a distinct purpose of security and trust for them that I am not too far away. Home is not too far away.  Moses’ mom new God, she trusted him with her most prized possession, she believed in the vision and plan that God had for her son and she new it was better than anything she could have envisioned for him, so she let him go, wrapped in HIS security.

How do we become like Jochebed? How do we turn from “what if,” doubt and self imposed failure status to trusting, visionary moms in our kids lives?  For me, there is only one way.  I consistently surrender my own plans, my own desires, my own dreams all of my “what if’s” over to the One who already has it all figured out.  Is it easy? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY YES! My role has shifted, I no longer control their decisions, I no longer can protect them from the pains of this life, the bumps and the bruises. They no longer need their security blankets to keep them safe and close to home. My role now is to trust, pray, surrender my worries to God who is their security, their protector and the one who is in control.  I weep out of my own selfishness for wanting more time, just one more bedtime story because change and growth are hard, but I rejoice as well in the opportunity to discover more about who they are becoming and celebrating Gods plan for them.

All of my kids still have their blankets, Chandler carried hers to college, you can see in this picture they are draped over her bed, John Scott brought one with him and gave me one to keep back home. Isn’t it interesting how during this role shift he knew Momma needed more security than he would need?  He walked in my room this morning and said, Momma, “here you go, keep it and don’t lose it,” as he handed me his blanket.  Not only did he know, but God knows this isn’t easy on us mommas, so I count this as one of those “I see your pain, and I’ve got this” messages from the Lord personally to me.  John Scott may never know that it was just what my heart needed as I “let go” of another one of my babies, to float the river of life trusting in the One who loves them more than I can imagine.  It is MY reminder that they are not far from home, nor will they ever be far from me. As I have told them since they were babies, no matter where you are, you are always in my heart.

Until next time,
Courtney

                            Chandlers Room with blankets, and John Scott’s blanket for Me…

In the old testament there is a mother, Jochebed, who is forced to trust God completely with her son Moses.  Decisions had to be made swiftly and she could no longer hold him back from the inevitable. We experience the very same moments in our children’s lives as we are forced into decisions that have to be made and trust having to take precedence.  Jochebed, walked to the Nile, the very river Pharaoh had ordered his people to use as means of killing all the boys that were born,  she placed him in a basket to float away, trusting God would take care of him and that His plan was perfect. 

I have watched as my third child’s high school days have come to an end. It has been a bitter sweet ending for us as she is our first daughter and the emotions for this child’s graduation were different than those of her brothers.  I don’t know if it was because she was the first girl, if it’s because of the role she plays in our home, or if it’s because we are at the half way mark in our family to having all of our kids through this milestone, but none the less this one was more painful than expected.  This entire last year has been filled with college tours, standardized tests, application processes, resumes, and the dreaded essays with complete writers block.  We traveled in state, out of state, considered important details down to minute details. The Tigers, the Hogs, the Mavericks, the Roadrunners, the Elephants.. you name it. We went so far as to consider if she would look good in that color or this color, and which mascot sounded the best being cheered for.  None of which really mattered but at the time, it was a detail in the narrowing down process. We laughed, we cried. It’s too close, too far, too hot, too cold…Goldilocks what is the best fit for you? Is there a perfect fit if you haven’t really tried it on?
She was accepted to some, denied by others, again we celebrated and again we cried. Heartbreak is part of it and we watched as acceptance letters rolled in and doubt joined. Uncertainty of where the best “fit” for her crept in and consumed her mind and thoughts.  Some colleges truly didn’t want to know anything about who she was, they wanted to know her GPA, her ACT, SAT, her rank, really she was nothing more than a number on a piece of paper to most of them. Sure, they want to see the resume, they wanted her to write these lengthy essays, but sadly I can’t even confirm if anyone even read the essays she wrote.  She was not alone,  I spoke with kid after kid, some with GPA’s and scores that I could not believe were being denied by colleges because they didn’t apply soon enough or weren’t ranked high enough due to the competition of their specific graduating class.  What happened to the good ole average kid? I was that kid?  I have a radiology degree, I am a real estate agent and spend 90% of my time doing volunteer work and writing. My SAT and ACT scores, my rank even my degree mean very little if anything at this point in my life.
My daughter by most standards is considered well above average, in my eyes and in the eyes of the only one who matters, the Lord, she is perfect just as she is. But Moms we have to continuously stand in the gap for our children when friends, peers, teachers, tests, scores and yes colleges, tell them otherwise. She is more than a number, she is funny, compassionate, kind, giving, moody (aren’t all woman),  head strong, determined, she will tell you like it is (gets that from her momma), will help a friend in need,  loves deeply, forgives yet cautiously forgets,  stresses about the small stuff, worries about everyone and everything,  is self disciplined beyond her years, self motivated, a leader, the first one to comply with requests, a pleaser, a peacemaker, I could go on and on.  You can’t put a number on those qualities, and all of those will go much farther in life than a GPA, an ACT, SAT or a class rank and for that I think we have done a great job and the world is hers to conquer.  So with all of this, our past year as parents have been eye opening on so many levels, the most obvious one being to make sure our daughter is reminded daily that her value does not lie in a number, a rank, an acceptance, even her future degree.
As of 24 hours ago she is moved into her college, the one I truly believe God chose for her and I hope she realizes her value lies in all of those amazing qualities listed above, in the good she will do as a future nurse, a future wife and mother, a child of God. Her value lies in what she will do with all of those qualities God has blessed her with and how she will share them with others.  This is what makes her valuable. The rest of those numbers are fleeting and mean nothing in the grand scheme of life.

My hope for this post is for all the Mommas who are stressing about the perfect college, the perfect GPA, the perfect rank. I have been there, and I stressed and failed miserably on trusting the process.  I was no Jochebed,  and I am certainly no expert but I know this, Gods plan is so much better than my own.  As long as you can stay focused on that, guide with patience, reassurance and trust Him,  it will all work out just as He has designed. 

Until Next Time,
Courtney